Notes from the Journey - In Order to Win, You Must Surrender
For reasons I will explain later in this article, I have been percolating on the word “surrender? recently. Naturally, as a man of awareness, I began my journey seeking the advice of someone with infinite knowledge of the English language, Mr. Daniel Webster. I was not a very attentive student in my English classes during my years in high school.
I learned that surrender is a transitive verb, what ever that means. Here are the definitions that I found. To yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand -surrendered the fort. To give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another. To give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner. To give (oneself) over to something (as an influence) intransitive verb. To give oneself up into the power of another
When I think about the word surrender the first image that comes to mind is a person waving a white flag. I visualize a solider with a sad, tired look on their face feeling the pain of defeat and lose. We think of surrender in a negative connotation, like failure or as the act of giving our power away or giving up to someone else.
I recently read Eckhart Tolle’s new book, A New Earth. I came across the word surrender and it triggered something in me. I resonated with the thought for a few weeks before I was able to connect the dots. It led me to another wonderful new awareness that I want to share with you.
With all due respect to Mr. Webster, I would like to add a new definition to the word surrender in regards to the relationship we have with others and ourselves. Those who I have coached or read my book know that I always like to look at life from new perspectives. I would like to ask you to allow me the liberty to help you do the same.
When we surrender we make the choice to put on a new pair of glasses and look at the world through a different lens. Surrendering is a way of being that has no obligations attached to it. Surrendering is a state of mind; a new way to live life. It is about being present in the moment with no expectation for anything in return.
The white flag we wave signals the surrendering within ourselves. It represents the end of our inner cycle of conflict that evolves from our journey when we are able to see new awareness’s and choose to adopt new perspectives and attitudes. Surrendering is not an external act of giving up; it is not defeat, failure or associated with anything negative. It is simply succumbing to letting go of the pain of the past and the anxiety of the future.
When we surrender to the one we love, we make a conscious choice to drop our shield of defensiveness and lay down our weapons. When we surrender, we do not defend and blame but choose instead to own and change. When we surrender, instead of saying “This is what you need to do for me? you say “What can I do for you.? When we surrender, we have the epiphany that it is not about I, me and mine but about you, us and them. When we surrender, we choose to replace the word “I? with the word “You.? Let me say it in clear and concise terms. “I can’t make it about me, if I want TO be a WE!?
When we surrender, we offer ourselves unselfishly and unconditionally to do whatever we are humanly capable of doing to make our partner feel safe, love and cared for ? regardless of what the other person says or does. Now of course we would not jump off a bridge if they asked us and we certainly would not maintain this new awareness if our partner has an affair. Remember, everything in life is 80-20.
This new view of ourselves is a deep spiritual experience that leads to a dramatic shift in our energy, focus and attitude. The crossing over this bridge creates the most freeing feeling ever inside of ourselves. We look, see, feel and love in ways we never have before. Why, because we are not blocking ourselves anymore. We have found the key to the door of our bunker. In essence, we got out of our own way.
The act of surrender ends the epic battle we have within ourselves between the forces of fear and love. The second law of Emotionally Intelligent Relationships is; Fear and Love cannot co-exist in the same space. When you surrender to the forces of your inner voice, you are free to let go of your fears and allow your soul to finally, finally, be at peace.
So , the question from the journey is: What do you need to surrender to that would end the inner conflict and bring you to a place of inner peace and harmony?
©2008 ? All rights reserved ? Glenn Cohen - “I-TO-WE?? Relationship Coaching / www.i-to-we.org
About the author
Glenn Cohen is a certified relationship coach and the author of The Journey from “I-TO-WE?. He coaches individuals, couples and works with companies across the country and conducts workshops, speeches, seminars and trains coaches, healthcare professionals, religious counselors, and corporations on the use of his program. You may contact him at 843-852-9828 or his website, www.i-to-we.org
Tags: compulsion, daniel webster, definitions, dots, due respect, english language, first image, infinite knowledge, journey, mr daniel, mr webster, negative connotation, new earth, new pair of glasses, new perspectives, possession, solider, surrender, transitive verb, white flag